Tuesday, September 8, 2009

Things I Learned From "Plan 9 From Outer Space"

In no particular order:
  1. If aliens try to communicate with you, don't ignore them.  They will get really pissed off, and send vampires to kill you.
  2. If you ever see a flying saucer, and the government swears you to secrecy, it's okay to tell your wife.
  3. Flying saucers apparently resemble cigars.
  4. In space, women are not meant to fight mens' battles for them.
  5. If you're a vampire, be sure to walk very slowly and with a cape draped in front of your face, or with your hands sticking straight out, or arms high in the air.
  6. The best way to take down a cop is to quickly brush the sides of his arms in a downward motion.  This is highly effective.
  7. When making a film, it's perfectly okay to have the shots change between daytime and nighttime every other second.
  8. Skeletons from a high school anatomy class make perfect dead bodies.
  9. The best way to explain someone's death is to not explain it at all.  Just turn them into vampires, it's all good.
  10. It's okay to scratch your chin with the barrel end of your loaded revolver.
  11. It's okay to point said gun at your fellow detectives while describing what happened.
  12. A broken shovel handle to the back of the head can easily take down a 400-pound man.
  13. Appreciate your shoulders.  They can very easily (almost) be broken.  See #6.
  14. Ed Wood was a visionary genius.

Does anyone else have any more to add to this list?  Leave them in comments.

1 comment:

  1. When distraught, run out of your home, into a graveyard, and proceed to run in circles until you pass out from exhaustion.