I also lack the ability to decorate and cook: two things that, I feel, most gay men have. Tonight, I tried (and failed) to cook a simple bone/skinless chicken breast. Any good cook would tell you that this is quite simple, and it only takes an idiot to fuck it up. Well, I'm that idiot.
As you can see, it's burned on the outside and barely cooked on the inside. Whenever the smoke alarm goes off, that is the official sound of my cooking failure. I throw up my arms in frustration, remove whatever is burning from the stove, and run over to smoke alarm to smother it with a pillow--the sound is incredibly loud and annoying: it's a fucking smoke alarm! Lucky for me, and my neighbors, my landlord installed a new alarm that is silenced with the push of a button.
So, there you have it. A wasted chicken breast (~$5), and I die a little more inside. There's at least one meal that I can cook: bacon and eggs. Would someone like to show me the ropes on how to cook some basic meals? Please!