Wednesday, March 31, 2010

How to Produce an Episode of Kitchen Nightmares

God, I need a life. I've wasted so much time just sitting in front of this damn computer, watching ridiculous television shows on Hulu: shows like...Kitchen Nightmares (with Gordon Ramsay). I've watched over 30 episodes of it, and I've figured out the secret formula for producing it. Just follow these simple steps:
  1. Find a fledgling restaurant that is run by an arrogant asshole.
  2. Send Gordon Ramsay to "save" the restaurant.
  3. Show the restaurant's chef exclaim how good the food is; show Ramsay spitting the food out and describing it with no less than five expletives.
  4. Have Ramsay observe a regular dinner service.
  5. Have Ramsay bitch out the chef/owner/manager about all the things that are wrong and need to be fixed.
  6. Have said chef/owner/manager bitch out Ramsay and proclaim there is absolutely nothing wrong with the restaurant, and that they just "need customers".
  7. Insert commentator's remark about how this will be "Chef Ramsay's most difficult challenge yet."
  8. Have chef/owner/manager break down in tears and say they'll do anything to fix their restaurant.
  9. Have Ramsay redecorate the entire restaurant and create a new "minimal" menu.
  10. Insert pep talk with Ramsay and the entire restaurant staff.
  11. Everyone rejoices.
  12. Ramsay expresses his skepticism.
  13. Roll credits.
I should really take up a hobby or something.

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