This Is Going to Be a Long Two Weeks

I've been tasked with watching over my friends' apartment and two (devil) cats while they are on vacation in Egypt for the next two weeks. There were too many perks to not take the job: Xbox, Netflix, cable television, high-speed internet, and access to a car. However, the two felines are determined to cause my stress and anger levels to spike and send me into a murderous rampage.

I've been here since Thursday evening, and so far they have: knocked over the trash can, spilling trash all over the kitchen floor; knocked over the vase with water and flowers on the kitchen table, thus spilling both its contents all over the table and floor; nearly broken three martini glasses after getting into the cupboard above the refrigerator; gotten into the lower kitchen cupboards and eaten gelatin and Swiss Miss packets. I can't wait to see what they have in store for me next.

On top of all that, their automated cat box--the worst investment ever, in my humble opinion--sounds like an incredibly loud document shredder, and it goes on and on and on and on. I had to unplug it after it went on for an hour straight. Note: there was absolutely nothing in the cat box at that time.

I'm also tasked with watering their arrangement of plants. As I was about to water the plants on top of their entertainment center, I told my visiting friends, "they shouldn't have their cable modem and wireless router up here near the plants. That's just an accident waiting to happen." Not a minute went by when I accidentally poured a little water on a leaf; it rolled off right into the vents of the cable modem. Singe. Fuck! The cable modem (which run about $50) was dead. Lucky for me (and my sanity), a friend's fiancee had a spare modem lying around, so I was able to get one from him. Thanks, Eric!

Then began the communications with Comcast and getting the new modem registered. Everything worked out great until they needed me to confirm my friend's driver's license number. She's in Egypt, so I won't be getting that information anytime soon. The tech support guy told me that everything was good to go, and just call back when I have that information. So, I started wondering where she might have the information written down. I looked at her checkbook: no luck. Then I spotted her purse by her dresser. I saw her wallet. It was in there! Score! I called back, confirmed the number, it got switched on, and I bummed around on the couch watching Air Force One. At the same time, the cats went into the other room and slept. Finally, peace.